Today was SUNDAY BRUNCH and I went to Din Tai Fung for soup dumplings with my peeps. My uncle Chris is growing this funny mustache for Movember, so I kept laughing at his dirty upper lip. He said soon it will look like Magnum P.I. We brown bagged it in the waiting line and I even got to meet the famous Baby Emme, AKA Lil’ Hwang. We compared wig tips and I’m pretty sure I tripped her out with my good looks and winning personality. We both burped simultaneously and that sealed our friendship for life.
Who talked me into a fiery stay in the desert? Lucky for me too much sun doesn’t turn me into a leathery raisin, it just makes me a little soft. It was my first (and last) visit to Slab City…what a craphole! But I like a good dose of crazy and you can find it in spades at Salvation Mountain (along with the smell of dead fish). Back at Hicksville I slept under the stars in a hammock, indulged in some cervezas in the jacuzzi and howled at the moon with the coyotes. Ooooooooowwwwwww!
Look out, foes! I’m packin’ heat. This was my inaugural trip to the LA Gun Club. The boys were nice enough to let me choose a few different targets (mostly ex-lovers’ photos) and fire away with my pistol and a Davy Crockett-style rifle. I mostly hit chest, head and crotch…gotta get all the vital organs. Bang bang! Officer Val’s on the case and she’s all business.
I went up to the Pacific Northwest with my aunties Rainbeau, Jacqui and Brynn for the 4th of July holiday and my boughtday. Can you believe I turned 17 this year? I know, I don’t look a day over 3. Well, we went to Portland and Seattle and here’s a few things I learned.
1. Anything can be knitted. Like, if you need a tampon, they can knit you one.
2. Men up there mostly have beards. I like a good beard. So this worked out in my favor.
3. Voodoo Donuts does not like it if you sit in their donut case to twirl around for the customers.
4. You can find your name spelled out on the gum wall. Then you can find some gum to chew on the gum wall.
5. Seafood is fresh! Alpaca hygiene down on the farm, not so much.
6. The bottles of alcohol they serve on plane rides are JUST MY SIZE. But be careful if you have too many, because the windows on the plane DO NOT OPEN.
Magical! I’ve been playing around with my auntie Kristin’s new app, Farr Out, and it’s giving me superpowers. Check out Kristin’s blog, Magic Dirt, to see her rad art and be sure to download Farr Out in the iTunes store for FREE. Look as cool as me with neon laser beams, rainbow farts and llama pals!
Whoo! Hear that? That’s the sound of me relaxing in Ojai! I took some ME TIME and went to the Ojai Rancho Inn this weekend. I got all hippied out burning some sage, making dream catchers and cooking up my own tofu nut loaf. Then I had a Justice dance party, invented the Winecee (wine Icee), ate a pint of Haagen-Dazs and danced all over this Twin Peaks looking bed.
I visited Gary Baseman and Toby at their “house” yesterday. Toby got me hopped up on booze in the dining room and I had to lay down for a disco nap on the bed. Gary rivals me in the kooky department so we really hit it off. There were tons of other freaky dolls around…it was right up my alley. I made myself at home on the sofa, played a game of Cranium and hung out with a yeti dude in the backyard. Toby got a little handsy with me toward the end, but you know I love that!
A new kid moved in, her name is Wheelchair Stacy. Her chair is no match for my whip but she can keep up pretty well on her tripod. We’ve got different styles, so I’m trying to get her to loosen up a little, maybe wheel around in a bikini, but so far no luck. Today she did let me style her hair a bit, but she asked me to brush it into a “Chelsea Clinton” (yawn). Hopefully this broad will lighten up a little if we’re living under the same roof. I mean, look at those sneakers.
Having a day of beauty, not that I need it, but a girl likes to pamper herself sometimes. Hot bath with soap (first in about 6 months), new mani pedi (first in about 3 years) and a little lip gloss. Feeling brand new, like I just came out of my mold! I’m going to have to fend off the boys with a stick!
Dudes! I’m in the PS again at the Ace Hotel. I got invited on the inaugural trip for CA Adventure Club and its awesome (from what I remember). Lisa is here and we are swimming on water noodles and floating around the pool with beer coozies doing girl talk. Lots of bros with tattoos and girls in American flag bikinis with no booties. I’m showing them what a real woman looks like. Happy Memorial Day, losers!